The Sayings
Prue Says…
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Practice guilt free food consumption
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Take a photo…you’ll always want to remember it later
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Buy a friend a flower and let em know how much they mean to you
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Be friends with your ex
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Splurge on yourself occasionally. You deserve it
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Have a safe one night stand at least once a year
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When you hear a bagpipe, stop and do a jig…it’ll make you feel good
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Don’t feed seagulls…they will only crap on you
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Visit a sex shop and spend more than $20…a “pocket vibe” does not count as a legitimate purchase.
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Make your bed when you first get up. It looks nicer and you’ll feel better about going to bed at night
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Don’t eat corn in public…no-one does it gracefully. I’m looking at you “Vic Market Corn on A Stick” food van!
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Try everything at least twice
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Meet your friends from the Net…you never know what fantastic people you might get a chance to meet…or of course, they could turn out to be freaks, but hey, you only live once!
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Get hammered and tell the person you’ve secretly had a crush on for years that you like them…if it back fires, you can always blame the alcohol
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Put a jumper on…you look cold
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Don’t forward on emails about sick little kids…let’s face it, it aint helpin’ anyone!
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Sing along…you’ll love it
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Don’t say you’re ugly if you know you’re not and you’re just looking for compliments…we all know you’re just fishing and we wont bite
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Same goes if you are sharing a pic with someone on the net. If you thought you were ugly in the pic you were about to send you wouldn’t send it would you now?
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Don’t turn down a date with someone just coz they aren’t the kind you would usually go for. Trust me, in 20 years when you wake up next to someone, they aren’t going to look the same, but what’s on the inside will never change
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Learn the words to American Pie by Don McLean
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Go fishing and release what you catch
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Don’t be afraid to make a dick of yourself…a lot of people find you endearing
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Eat a Jaffle. I highly recommend the cheese on wholemeal option
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Don’t be afraid to admit you’re a nerd
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Admit to something…being bisexual, taking anti-depressants, that you ate Clag as a child, you have a fear of Cotton Wool…anything that will make people realise that what they have to admit can’t be half as bad
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Don’t cut the size tags off your clothes ladies
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Call if you’re going to be late Mister!
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Lie in the grass and watch the clouds
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Peel your onions with a pair of sunglasses on…you’ll look like an idiot but it’ll stop you from crying
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Get a Brazilian at least once
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Pay your bills on time
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Go with your instincts
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Learn a dirty word in a foreign language
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You don’t have to always answer your phone…if you don’t want to answer it…then don’t
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Put on some sad music and cry if it will help
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Leave your shoes on if you have foot odour
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Learn to enjoy time alone
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Chew with your mouth closed
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If you’re in the car and you’re going to spew…for gods sakes, tell someone!
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Grow a beard
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Ladies, don’t grow a beard
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Find a classic Beatles song and enjoy it’s beauty
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Recycle your plastic bags
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Sleep in a single bed for one night with your partner
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Be proud to be a virgin
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Fall in love
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Be prepared to fall out of love
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If you drive a Convertible, for Gods sakes, put the top down on a good day
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Don’t show off ear wax…regardless of how impressed you are by it
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If there’s something that annoys you about a person, tell them
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Tell your friends to shut up occasionally.
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Go back for the Picnic that KFC forgot to put in your Ultimate 3 piece feed…regardless of whether you’re going to eat it…it’s the point of it
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Laugh with your mouth open
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Find a friend that makes you laugh so much that no sound comes out only tears sometimes
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Ladies, learn how to how fix your own car when something goes wrong so you aren’t stuck at the side of the road waiting for some burly guy to help you out…unless you’re single and it’s a good chance to meet a burly guy
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Don’t leave your clothes in a pile, or the cat will pee on them
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Make fun of dogs with puffy tails and chase them if you feel so inclined
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Don’t hold on so tight, that if you might break it. Sometimes you just need to let go…
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Don’t spray yourself with Impulse when yo you think you smell…it just makes it worse
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Talk to the girl at the checkout…she’ll have a good laugh
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Remember to take your videos back on time or you’ll get a nasty reminder in the mail
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Burp when you need to
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Same goes for farting…but if you fart you have to claim it. Don’t leave it out there for other people to guess
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Shag like there’s no tomorrow
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Dig silence. There’s nothing worse than yammering on…just learn to appreciate the quite…that’s when you know you really dig someone
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Carve your name into a tree
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Smoke pot at least once but not so much you’re head sticks to the table
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Don’t complain about something you have the ability to change
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Talk to yourself. Sometimes it’s the best conversation you can have
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Never let me wear brown again…it’s too reminiscent of my Alice the Camel experience
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Don’t underestimate the existence of ghosts and Boogey men and all things scary
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Make a scene when you need to
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Get rid of people in your life that are bad for you
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Chocolate will always make you feel better
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Come to terms with your sexuality…whatever it happens to be, and then be proud of it
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People are attracted to people who are confidant
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Look after your mates if they are drunk. You can ridicule them about it later.
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Sometimes, it pays to engage your brain before you say something you might regret
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Get a cat…they’re independent, free range and a bit stand offish, but at night, when they curl up against you, it’s worth it
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Play ‘All I Want Is You’ by U2, ‘Can’t Always Get What You Want’ by Rolling Stones & ‘November Rain’ by G’n'R at my Funeral or I’ll be pissed off…and dead!
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Don’t screw without a condom…no matter how good it’s going to feel
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Don’t buy birthday cards, make them yourself. They’re a lot nicer coz you’ve put the effort in and it’ll save you 5 bucks!
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Don’t be afraid to put up information about yourself on the net. With that said, don’t give every tom dick and Harry you’re phone number, but be honest. The net is there and if everyone is lying I’m gonna be pissed!
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Tell me why i don’t like Mondays?
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Don’t lie to yourself to the point where you convince yourself that what you’ve made up is the truth
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Laugh at dogs with buckets on their heads
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Take your make up off before you go to bed…remind me to actually follow that one!
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If you’re buying a new bed, get a queen. A double bed is futile
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Don’t believe it when someone tells you that refrigeration will rid alcohol of it’s alcoholic content…It’s just not true, damnit!
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Don’t ask a person how many people they’ve slept with if you can’t cope with the answer
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Coke Zero does not taste like “regular flavour”
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“Penis Butter” and “VaginaMite” will always be funny, regardless of how old you get
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Buy a Garfield for your car. You’ll feel old when kids ask you who Garfield is.
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Honk if you’re Horny!
- The Gym is not full of beautiful people.
- These new images on Cigarette packets fascinate rather than disgust me. Is that wrong?
- Most people are dickheads. Try not to be too disappointed when they don’t live up to your expectations.
- Did you ever wonder if Maxwell Smart ever smeared dog shit on his cheek when he was talking into the Shoe Phone?
- Why is it Red Rooster always take so long with your order? What the hell are they doing out the back there?
- Is there a chance of Hungry Jacks ever getting rid of that YELL THE ORDER OUT TO THE BACK system they seem to have?
- Turns out, doing girly things like getting Acrylic nails is actually quite fun. Who knew?
- Lose your remote control for the TV. You’ll be a lot less inclined to watch it.