My girlfriend is selfish in bed. She’s always demanding this and telling me how to do that, and is makes me feel like a crap lover. I wasn’t going to say anything to her, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but it’s genuinely affecting my self confidence. Is there some way I can bring it up without a)seeming like a pussy and b) making her feel like crap?
Bringing this up with your girl doesn’t make you a pussy. That’d be the term for the dude who didn’t say anything and just kept on putting up with it forever. It’s sweet that you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but your feelings are just as important.
Is there a way to bring it up without making her feel like crap? Well, let’s be honest, she’s probably going to be a little upset. I think most people are inclined to feel some sort of sting when critiqued about their sexual performance. The way to minimize the damage is to chose your words very carefully and the consider your timing.
From past experience, I can assure you no one wants a commentary on their performance in lieu of pillow talk. It leads to bruised egos and tears for the most part. Pick a time when you’re not pre or post sex. When you’re close and cuddling on the couch might be a good time. Don’t give it a huge pre-emptive spiel. Do try and even it out with the things you love about her performance in bed. Be honest, but use your discretion. The idea is to get the general vibe out there, “Hey, I feel like a crap lover coz you keep giving me instructions”. You don’t need to go overly critique the situation, there’ll be time to tweak it when you’re actually having sex next.
Or, you can always go for the alternative approach, and suggest some role play, where you’re in charge and she takes a more submissive role. The ole “I had this dream the other night, it was so fucking hot…<insert fantasy here>” and gauge the reaction approach is a fairly good way to throw it out there if you’re not sure how she’ll respond.
Do you take your own advice?
I’m more of a do as I say, not as I do kinda gal.
Most exciting place to get it on?
Anywhere there’s a chance of getting caught. Like you didn’t see that one coming!
It’s been more than 2 years since my ex and I split. The break up was due more to our respective circumstances than to a lack of love for each other. I’ve slept with/dated a few women since and they’ve all been cool girls, but I’ve compared them all to my ex. I’m still hung up on her big time. We’re in occasional contact and it’s friendly enough, but she doesn’t ask about my situation and I haven’t asked about hers. I would love to ask her on a date and see where it goes. Completely terribly idea or you think it could work?
I say ask her out for lunch. 2 years is a long time and people change and evolve. The girl you’ve been comparing all others to may not even be who you think she is anymore. The only way to figure out if you actually still have real feelings for the person she is today is to spend some time with her and lunch is a neutral enough event for it just to be “catching up for old times” but still gives you a chance to relax, eat together, and rediscover each other.
So no, not a completely terrible idea. At the least it gives you some closure and best case scenario, you rediscover a lost love. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for ya.
My bf and I met online. We’ve been together since we met two months ago. It pisses me off that he still talks to all these “female friends” on MSN, but he’s on there all the time and it drives me crazy. He thinks I’m over reacting. What do you think?
I think you guys should sit down and talk about what’s bugging you here. Is it because he’s on the net all the time talking to people who aren’t you? Is it that you’re afraid he’s going to meet another girl? Do you just feel like he’s being disrespectful?
I’ve dated the kind of guys who sit there talking to other women on MSN and minimize the window like you’re an idiot when you walk passed the computers. Suss, much? LOL If that’s him, I advise you to run, Forrest, run coz he’s up to no good. Alternatively, he may actually be a decent guy who just has female friends online. Perfectly simple explanation. Trust your gut instincts about whether it’s you being insecure or him being a dick, they’re normally pretty spot on.
My girl and I were having some mad sex the other night, which involved some fantasy roleplay where we were talking about an MMF threesome. You know, what he’d do, what I’d do etc. I mentioned one specific act that really turned me on and at the time she seemed fine with it, but since then, she’s given me shit about it repeatedly and it’s starting to really annoy me. Advice please.
Approaching orgasm can an incredibly vulnerable moment. Alex Comfort referred to those verbal ramblings at the moment of climax as “Birdsong at Morning” in the 70′s classic, ‘The Joy of Sex’. He also said it was poor form to bring them up outside of the bedroom, and I wholeheartedly agree. Next time she gives you shit, just tell her “Birdsong at Morning, baby” and go about your activities. Eventually she’ll google it because curiosity will get the better of her, and she’ll realise it’s a classy way of saying “hey, you don’t get to use my fantasy against me” and she’ll knock it off. Fingers crossed.
"No Parrots in the love chamber" says Comfort.
