pruesaysit.com

Are you there LJ, it’s me, Prue?

Ten Random Things About Me

- I have a scar across my nose from when I was 4, and fell into a crystal cabinet. 6 stitches and 20 years later, it’s still visable.
- I get car sick when driving along the Great Ocean Road or the Dandenongs.
- I own a keyboard, a guitar and a harmonica….and can play none of them. Not even one song on any of them.
- I am obsessed with stationery. I could spend all day roaming Office Works and spend far too much money on pens and pencils and paper. I love the smell of new stationery.
- I don’t drink or do illicit drugs
- I once made out with a guy who looked exactly like Edward Norton.
- I love listening to “Love Songs and Dedications with Richard Mercer the Love God” Since it was axed on MixFM I’ve been listening over the net, to the Sydney equivalent. So sad.
- I started keeping this journal when I was living in Hawthorn with James. I never imagined that 4 years on, I’d be living with James in Huntingdale and we would be ex’s or best friends. I consider myself very lucky.
- I smoke Menthols. I used to be a hardarse, and smoke Marlboro Reds…But I stopped smoking them when they cut them down to 12’s…total boycott. Nowadays I’m broke, and a softie, so I smoke PJ Menthols.
- Bert Newton called my house a few times when I was younger. He’s a good egg.

Nine Places I’ve Visited
-Fiji
-The Entrance, NSW
- Ocean Grove, VIC
- The Giant Earthworm, VIC
- Seaspray, VIC
- Lakes Entrance, VIC
- Canberra, ACT
- Parliament House, ACT
- Big Pineapple, QLD

Eight Things To Do Before I Die
- Master the mouth harp
- Stop smoking
- Own a Wiemeraner
- Read “Catcher In The Rye”
- Own an first edition of “To Kill A Mockingbird” - Harper Lee
- Publish my writing
- Release my line of Fattitude clothing

Seven Ways To Win My Heart
- Make me laugh so hard no sound comes out
- Love Animals
- Want a family
- Be able to take the piss
- Be affectionate
- Make me cum
- Be confidant

Six Things I Believe In
- Love always wins in the end
- What my heart tells me
- Karma
- The laws of thermodynamics
- Music is an incredibly powerful medium
- Physical affection should be more embraced in Western Culture

Five Things I’m Afraid Of
- Being murdered
- Rednecks
- Birds
- Ghosties
- George W Bush

Four Of My Favourite Things In My Bedroom
- My pooter
- My bed
- My “box of tricks ;)”
- My photos

Three Things I Do Everyday
- Take my medication
- Smoke
- Check my email

Two Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now
- Whinge about my life, when I know I really am blessed
- Sleep

One Person I Want To See Right Now
- Adam LM

I’ve really avoided writing in my journal lately. Not for lack of things to write about really, but I guess there are a lot of things that I haven’t been quite sure how to phrase, and when I’ve had the inclination, I’ve lacked the motivation to write.
Here is a brief update of things that have gone on in the past 2 weeks.
- Moved to Huntingdale. Drop me a note if you’d like to come along to my housewarming on the Saturday 12/13th March.
- Have organised to get a cat. His name is Pooh. He’s a fat brown Burmese boy, 2 years old. Get him next weekend.
- Hung out with Leigh. Had it turn pretty ugly and uncomfortable.I was a terrible bitch to him. I was really inconsiderate of his feelings and I didn’t express my emotions well. It’s all fixed now, but it was pretty distressing for the both of us.
- Finally met Leon. Suprisingly, I hadn’t met him sooner, considering he is Teeda’s ex boyfriends mate. He came round after he had some paintings stolen from an Exhibition in Federation Square. He had worked on them for months, and granted, he was pretty gutted. He’s single atm, and so, I offered to be his pseudo girlfriend for the nite, so he’d have someone to hug and mollycoddle him. He’s a really top bloke and I reckon we’ll be good mates.
- Decided Adam PM is a complete wanker, and that all the advice my good friends on LJ and in real life gave me was right. I’m fat and lovin it.
- Had a nite where I found this email from DW. I read it and got incredibly emotional, thus explaining the rationale behind my last post, where I wallowed in self pity and pined for him. I got in the shower after writing that, and sat on the tiles and cried my heart out. I cried til eventually both tears, and the hot water from the shower ran out. I couldn’t believe the way I’d spied the razor in the shower. I was so ashamed of myself for having a thought so selfish and ridiculous, regardless of how fleeting it was. I got out, wrapped myself in a towel and looked at myself in the mirror for a long time. I looked at how puffy my eyes were, and the crimson hue of my face and I decided I wouldn’t let it happen again. No man is worth that many tears, nor a complexion that ruddy.
- Had Teeda and her friend Michelle from work here last nite, along with Bronwyn, James and Cassie. Michelle is adorable, and she is one of these people who radiate goodness and that draw you in with their energy. Spent the rest of the nite, talking with Cassie. We talked for hours about lots of stuff, like James, our folks, love, carpentry… Didn’t go to bed til sometime after 6am.
- Tonite, wrote out the list of folks to invite to our housewarming. We’ve got 85 on the list, and that’s without Joels friends too! Crikey! I think we’d better invest in some tarpoulin.
- Finally, Jamies episode of Secret Life of Us was on! There was champagney goodness and much celebration, although it was certainly a toned down version of the Thursday prior. We’d spent that Thursday nite at Cassies in the spa. God, we were an absolute mess! Well, not me, but everyone else. Between Jamie, James, Cassie and Andrea they drank 16Lt of cask wine, so you can imagine how plastered they all were. At one point, Andrea, Cassie and myself were all topless, Jamie only had on his lucky red jocks (re0w) and James…well, James was buck naked. The boys got so wasted! At one point they were high fiving eachother for having foreskins! There’s a first time for everything, I guess. LOL. I hadn’t had such a good laugh in ages to be honest. I had an absolute ball that nite. Sometime after 3am, the cops turned up. It’s never a good turn til the Cops turn up, it’s the sign of a good night.

Reading over this, I just realised the contradiction and fluctuation of my moods. I’m all over the place like a cardiac monitor. Perhaps I should start taking Epilim again. Damn, why is my mother always right? When will I learn that she never outsmarts me!? LOL

I will have a new looking website in the next few days. It should have been Friday, but alas, I was asleep the morning the man came to drop off my ADSL WIRELESS modem from TPG, so I have to go and collect it from Mulgrave on Monday. I will then be online at lightning fast speeds, sweet sweet broadband. *drool*
Dial up is really testing my patience. Here’s the scoop. Dodo is named such, as it’s connection speeds are completely archaic. Last nite I logged on and got 16kbps. Ofcourse, I realised it was going to be terrible, but it was only to cater to my junkie style addiction for MSN, while TPG were organising the ADSL hook up, so I didn’t mind so much. I am now, however, putting my connection to the test, by downloading 12MB worth of Nokia PC Suite, with DC-5 drivers. Mmmm, then I will be able to upload everything from my phone! yay! *Hercules, Hercules*

Hope everyone is doing well. Love, Prue

345

Hey everyone
don’t have the net at the new house yet, damn problem with the phone lines. Can’t get adsl til it’s sorted out.
Hope to have it fixed soon.

House looks great. When the net is on, I will update with pics.
I have to get going coz I’m going on a picnic with Cassie and James.

Love prue

343

Da Rulez:
1. Copy and post this in your LJ.
2. BOLD anything that is true.
3. Leave plain anything that is not true.
4. Add something to the list (true or not, it’s up to you).

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I’ve tried marijuana.
009. I’ve watched a porn movie.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is the best policy.
013. I have acne free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I’ve been told I have a nice butt.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I’m really, really smart.
021. I’ve never broken anyone else’s bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I’m paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I think that I’m popular.
049. I am currently single. Not married.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I’m obsessed with my LJ!
058. I don’t hate anyone.
059. I’m a pretty good dancer.
060. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I’ve rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I’ve had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I’m not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
085. I own the “SOUTH PARK” movie.
086. I have avoided assignments to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
087. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend’s ex.
099. I’m happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. I Have a crush on somebody I have never met.
102. I’ve kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I’m procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in “lust” more than in “love.”
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I’m obsessed with the tv show “Lost.”
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I’m with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I don’t change who I am for someone else.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I am a Senior in High School.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis.
124. I have nothing better to do with my time.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Most people call me by my middle name.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. Pi confuses me.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I dont have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I’m only wearing underwear.
135. I had more than one Thanksgiving dinner this year.
136. I’ve driven to a different state to see a band I like.
137. Rootbeer is the best soda in the world.
138. Music is my life.
139. I love to paint.
140. I am annoyed by the notion of having to be politically correct.
141. I have the entire series of a tv show. Either on tv or on my computer.
142. My biggest fan is Bob Hope.
143. I have been to a foreign country that is not in the Americas.
144. I have at least 3 animals.
145. I am planning on waiting at Barnes and Noble the night that “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince” comes out.
146. I have a place in my heart for all showtunes.
147. The movie The Nightmare Before Christmas makes me happy.
148. I am a Christian.
149. I’ve been in a long distance relationship before.
150. I am in the military.
151. Hua is a word in my vocabulary.
152. At least one of my children has a different last name than I do.
153. I am lactose intollerant.
154. I am planing to go to the Reading (Music) Festival next year.
155. I currently have a manga obsession. XD
156. I noticed there are two 132s in this list.
157. I listen to Bob Marley.
158. I am a thespian.
159. I own a g-string.
160. I can fight with Sai’s.
161. I’d rather die young and pretty, than old and ugly.
162. This list helped make time pass faster…
163. I still have a bit of a thing for my childhood hero/idol.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE DOING WHEN YOU’RE DEPRESSED?
Meh, I don’t think I like doing anything when I’m depressed. I always think it’s a great idea to crawl into bed, put my head under the covers and never come out, when in fact, what normally happens is I call Teeda or James, and they come around and we get ice cream and talk all nite and I end up feeling much better for it.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO NAME YOUR FUTURE CHILD?
I like Jethro, Arlen, Shelby, Abby, Aiden, Aislinn, Donovan

WHAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS?
Job Interviews, Calling people on the phone, ppl who have obviously had too much to drink, and might spew.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Animal Shelters, Figure Skating *go figure?!*, rejection, unrequited love

WHAT’S YOUR MIDNIGHT SNACK?
Whatever I finds, I keeps

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGES?
If 2 people love eachother, then what difference should it make what gender they are?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ABORTION?
Not my cup of tea. Have issues with women using abortion like contraception. That being said tho, I’m all for women being in charge of their own fertility, and if that’s what they chose, then that’s their right. No one - Church, Government, vigilantes have the right to condemn a woman for her choices.

WHAT’S ONE THING YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY?
What’s not to love? We have it so much better here than in so many other countries in the world. Hospitals are free, sure it might take a while to get in, but it’s still free, education is free, the social welfare system is much better here than in counties like the USA.

DESCRIBE YOUR MUM.
Beautiful. Supportive. Smartarse. Best Friend.

BEST GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?
Teedas presents are always the best coz they are so thoughtful.

SHOW THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Family Guy, Simpsons, The Office

LOOK AROUND. WHAT CAUGHT YOUR EYE?
My ashtray, that is one of those big ones with the pushy down spinny thing, and it’s got Poker Cards on it.

YOUR WISH WHEN YOU LAST BLEW A BIRTHDAY CANDLE:
I didn’t have a birthday cake this year!

CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS, WHAT DID YOU SEE?
Darkness.

DO YOU LIKE BUYING BRANDED CLOTHES?
Nup. I just brand em myself with stupid comments.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR BESTFRIEND’S LIVE JOURNAL PASSWORD?
No, but Teeda knows mine, just in case I die, and then she can tell you all about my grizzly death.

DO YOU FOLLOW FASHION TRENDS?
Never

HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY?
At 17, yep.

HAVE YOU EVER LITERALLY BEEN A SHOULDER TO CRY ON?
Yup, a number of times.

HAVE YOU EVER INTENTIONALLY IGNORED SOMEONE? FOR HOW LONG?
Yes, and so far, I’ve managed to ignore her for over a year.

HAVE YOU EVER GONE ON A ROMANTIC DATE?
I’m sure I have, just can’t remember it.

HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED A LOVE LETTER? WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME?
Yes, from James. He wrote me a poem on our 8 month anniversary and sent me roses at work.

HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN A LOVE LETTER? WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME?
Sooooo many.

IF YOU COULD SPEND A WEEK ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Ocean Grove, with my harmonica, a few cd’s, and a notepad and pen.

IF YOU WROTE A BOOK, WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?
My life and it’s sordid details

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PAST?
Some good, some bad.

WHERE DO YOU USUALLY GO SHOPPING?
Parkmore!!!

HOW DID YOU SPEND YESTERDAY?
Hung out with James.

HOW WAS TODAY?
Good but heartbreaking. Jim and I went to the animal shelter and I cried a few times coz it was just so sad. I am looking for a cat, but I think I might end up taking this cat that a woman I met online needs to re-house. He’s a brown burmese 2 year old boy named Pooh!

339

Tonite I feel terrible. I went to Andreas’ place and I should have enjoyed myself, chillin out and playing PS2 with her, and I tried to put on a happy face, but inside I just felt so empty. I felt consumed with an aching, sick feeling somewhere in my chest, that left a lump in my throat that only appears when you’re on the verge of tears.
To say it started with Jasons msg tonite, would be over simplifying things. Jason is the guy I’ve been seeing since October. It’s mostly a sexual thing, but it seems to get complicated. He told me tonite he’d met someone. For some reason it really stung. Not because I want to be with him, but just because I wondered “What is so wrong with me, that you couldn’t want to date me?”
I wouldn’t actually want to be with him in a relationship, so what do I care? Says the logical part of my brain. But then insecurity kicks in and I wonder “why not me?”

The feelings of insecurity and aching loneliness aren’t a direct response to Jasons msg. I guess his msg was just the proverbial straw. I’ve met so many guys in the last 2 years that have considered me a top bird for a shag, but never the kind of girl you’d want anything more with. I often wonder what makes men think this about me. I should ask Adam or Jason or Shaunn or Kit or any one of the men I know, who would consider me sexually attractive and a great person, but not the girlfriend type.

I guess it hurts because lately I’ve had one particular guy on my mind. He’s funny and intellegent and we share a billion common interests and he has made it obvious he has feelings for me, but he does nothing about it. We dated last year for a month, and then his girlfriend wanted to get back with him. I told him to go for it, as it was better to know than to regret anything. A year on, he contacted me and while he is still with said girlfriend, he maintains that he’s not happy. He knows how much I like him, and that I would love to be with him, but he does nothing about it. He said it’s because he’s a pussy. I concur.
He frustrates me no end and is a complete knob, but I adore him. I guess that’s what made me mad…not Jasons msg. He just kind of copped the brunt of it. I should msg and apoligise.

I just feel like such an idiot. A sad, lonely, pathetic idiot. I preach all this bullshit to myself and to girlfriends about how they are worth more than they think, how they should fuck off all the losers in their lives that make them miserable, but alas, here I am, sitting alone at 5am pouring my heart out in here about a guy who wants nothing to do with me.

Tonite I felt so alone that I just wanted to crawl into bed and never wake up.
I just felt so vulnerable and isolated and angry at everything. I wanted to just kick the shit out of things, and then fall into a heap and cry myself to sleep. Ofcourse I did neither, and don’t plan to any time soon but it was a fleeting thought. Okay, I lie. It was a very lingering thought.

Sending msg to jason now to apoligise.