pruesaysit.com

:o)

Tis almost the dawn of a new year. Hope it’s prosperous and fun for all of you.
I decided to stay in this year and watch tv. I know it sounds sinfully sad, but I wasn’t going to pay 30 bucks to go to Bridies when I don’t even drink! Plus just about everyones away, Andrea is at Sparrows Club NYE dance and Adam is in Lorne at his beachhouse.
Anyways, I always find New Years Eve to be as anti-climactic as losing ones virginity. So I’m not miffed about it.
Instead I ordered a pizza, and watched the Audrey Hepburn story. Was a nice film.

Anyways, that’s about it from me. I’ve done stuff and caught with ppl but will write about it later.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PPL :o)

Love prue

110

It was wierd. I saw James earlier and he mentioned it was his and Caths 6 month anniversary.
Which made me think about what I was doing today 6 months ago….
It was Daves 22nd Birthday. We had that huge party. I ended up in bed with DW. He’d also just turned 25. Dave and DW share the same Birthday.
The sex was frantic but somehow distant, and all I wanted desperately was to tell him how much I loved him, over and over.
The next morning was so akward. He left really hurridly and without any affection. Flipped me a peace sign on his way out, and thanked me for the book I gave to him for his 25th.
I felt so…empty that next day. But I was going through my “I’m going to act like I don’t give a rats arse” attitude.
And it’s funny. 6 months on, sometimes I still think I’m pretending to carry that attitude. Sometimes for the feelings that I’ve supressed for DW, other times for the feelings I’m acquring for Adam.
Part of me still loves DW very much. It’s that part of me that still gets excited when I hear his name, or find that he’s playing tennis with the boys, or when I hear people talk about Dark Age of Camelot, or Tasmania. An array of stupid things that still make my heart almost skip a beat when I hear of them.
And then there’s part of me that, doesn’t hate him…but wants to hate him, for all the pain he put me through. All the comings and goings and all the uncertainty and doubt he put me through. I hate the fact he made me doubt myself so much. He made me feel that it was my shortcomings that made him feel he couldn’t be with me.
There’s part of me that misses him like air itself. No matter how many guys I meet, I don’t have the connection I had with him. It was instantaneous. Never for a minute did I doubt my love for him. From the minute I met him, I wanted to be in his arms. Wanted to stroke his hair. Wanted to kiss his tears when he was down. Wanted to reassure him when he was in doubt. It’s this part of me, that is on show tonite. The house is empty with Dave in Sydney, and Teeda in Ireland….And I can’t help but think of DW.
I should probably be thinking of Adam…but it’s different with Adam. I can’t look into Adams eyes and know everything he can’t say, like I could with DW.
It’s so stupid. I wish sometimes I could turn back the hands of time and never have met him, so I would never have known what it was like to fall so in love, or feel so much pain. Othertimes I wish I could have met him, and just have acted differently….not so full on, maybe more adamant about what I wanted…I don’t know what I should have done….or moreover, what I could have done differently. Maybe there’s nothing at all that I could have done differently. Perhaps it was always destined to turn out this way.
All I know is that although things are great most of the time, sometimes I pause, and I feel this hole in my heart that only ever felt complete when I was with him. Ugh…I’m crying now like a wanker.

Tobleroney

I suspect I may have consumed *darts eyes around* 4 Toblerone bars in the last 48 hours. But don’t tell anyone!!

Christmas turned out really well. I spoke a little bit about it in my previous entry. I was lucky enough to get a new tv and dvd set up from the folks, which I couldn’t be more thrilled with. I ended up with a fantastic selection of dvds ie: Rocky Horror, Big Chill, The Goonies, Charlies Angels 2

We had some fantastic food, which I will get some more of tomorrow when the folks come round to set up the tv. Mmmm left over turkey. Doesn’t get much better than that!

I spent the rest of last nite with Cath and James. We went to Maccas for some dinner and by the time we got home, I was over the idea of playing board games at Brads, where everyone else was.
So I came inside and watched the first half of The Goonies.

Andrea showed up not long after, followed by Adam and his mate, Tom. They are definetely 2 of a kind. A complete pair of “arseholes….but funny arseholes” as Adam would put it. They were here til 5 or so this morning. Tom and Andrea left and it gave Adam and I some time alone. I’m hoping we can get some more of that when Dave goes away. All depends on when his Mrs returns from Vietnam I guess. Hopefully it’s the week after next, so we can spend a couple of nites together in an empty house.

This morning as we were laying in bed, it was really very comfortable. He even noticed. It just felt kinda…comfortable. Not akward or wierd…not that it should be, but I apoligised for the tone of my txts lately, and he said he completely understood and he was sorry and that I had every right to send them. And it wasn’t that he wasn’t replying, it was that he was thinking and contemplating an answer to give me.

We were talking about if he goes back to his Mrs, if we’d still hang out and i said Probably not, because I would have trouble turning off my feelings for him. And he said he would too. I was kinda shocked. I pulled him up on it. “What feelings? I didn’t know there were feelings?” To which he admitted yes there were feelings. Which is nice to know…I’m glad he feels the same way.

If he does go back, I’m going to miss him alot. I will wish him the best of luck, but I will miss him because I really do like him alot. He makes me laugh. The only thing I can hold against him is the fact that he’s indecisive about what he’s doing…which in some ways, I can sympathise with.

All I know is that I like him and it feels great when I’m lying in bed with his arms around me, or when we’re standing on the balcony smoking and he has his arm around my hips, or when I tell him a story and he pisses himself laughing. That’s as much information as I know, so once I have some more news to report Ill update you asap.

Hope everyone is well and ejoying a merry christmas

Meanwhile, It’s really pissing me off that James and Cath can’t keep their hands off eachother. I mean, c’mon! Grow up. It’s not like you spend more than 8 hours apart at the most, and when they are together they almost feel like they are the one person.They’re turning into Guy and Nancy! It was so annoying driving today with gaz and cath and james and they were in the back kissing and shit all the way to dandenong….and all the way home. It doesn’t piss me off coz he’s my ex, but it pisses me off coz it’s just rude. It’s called a bedroom…use it.

108

I stole this from

1. What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before?
I put my heart on the line when I wasn’t sure what the reaction was going to be. That was something I’d never done.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make New Years resolutions. I never stick to them, so what’s the point?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ummm…Erins’ sister Siobhan had a baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My mums cousin Gordan died at 59.

5. What countries did you visit?
None!!

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A renewed faith in romance.
A drivers licence!!

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
8th March. Our Housewarming. Not telling why.
5th October. The first time I actually visited a pub all year, without becoming anxious.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally getting my anxiety under control and getting rid of my Agoraphobia!! And living independantly without a boyfriend! Something I never thought I’d do.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don’t think I can think of my biggest failure this year. I think everything has been a positive and progressive move forward.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Glandular Fever and Tonsilitis a few times

11. What was the best thing you bought?
This fantastic FAN! Oh the joy. And the electric blanket that bought me many nites of warmth!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Teedas. Coz this year she really got things together. Job wise. Relationship wise. Independance. She’s come so far and I’m really proud of her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
DW. What a fucking pussy. It’s one thing to break a girls heart, but to not have the balls to tell her to her face that you don’t want to see her anymore is just the work of a loser.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Smokes and Rent and Maccas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being able to go out again!!!! YAY!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
Come Undone by Robbie Williams!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?
Much Happier
ii. thinner or fatter?
Hrmmm next question?
iii. richer or poorer?
About the same I guess. Although I was living at home and not paying rent, so I had a bit more saved, but that went out the window quickly!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Wish I’d had more sex!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinating

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Just spent it at my folks place with Mum and Dad and Chevy (the cat). I had a fantastic day. I really love being at my parents now that I live out of home. We all get along so much better and hanging out with my mum is great fun. We had turkey and prawns and salads and gelati for dessert.

21. What about new year’s?
I have absolutely NO CLUE!!!

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yes. But you all know about that!

23. How many one-night stands?
Do do do do….next question thanks

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Simpsons obviously. But I really loved CSI and Criminal Intent this year too.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Dineri. I always knew that she’d hurt me, but by sleeping with James? I didn’t see that one coming. Fucking mole. I hope she cops a great whopping case of Herpes or something and can never enjoy sex again, and her boobs sag down to the ground…….. oh wait….they’re already at her ankles….

26. What was the best book you read?
Hrmmm…..Life Stratagies by Dr Phil McGraw

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Robbie Williams

28. What did you want and get?
A best friend that still loved me after sharing a house for a year.

29. What did you want and not get?
Love in return.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Bowling for Columbine.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 21 and I had a party in the back yard. Mum and dad built a pergola and we had caterers in for dinner. Was really nice and relaxed.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A car and a licence!!!!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
A bit more outgoing than in the past. I actually didn’t look so daggy this year. I mean I’m still a dag inside, but this year I bought more age appropriate clothes and lots of stuff that showed tits! Re0w!

34. What kept you sane?
Aropax!! Xanax!! Teeda!! Andrea!! James!! Mum!!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
robbie williams and once again, Drew Barrymore. Ooooh also Johnny Knoxville! Reow!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
WAR! What is it good for!? Absolutely NOTHIN!

37. Who did you miss?
Friends that are currently, or are going, or have been overseas.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met Andy this year. A terrific new friend that I’m glad to have met. he makes me laugh.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
No door closes without another door opening
Everything happens for a reason
Wear comfortable shoes
Jeans west have sizing that doesen’t make you feel like a heffer
Better to regret what we HAVE done, than that which we have NOT

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“I just wanna feel real love fill the home that I live in…coz I got too much life…running thru my viens, going to waste”

Twas the nite before christmas

Well, actually, I’m lying. It’s the wee hours of Christmas morning, but you get my drift.
Staying at mum and dads place tonight. Thought it would be easier than having someone come get me in the morning, and plus, I didn’t really want to wake up in an empty house on Christmas morning.
Mum keeps asking me if i’m okay. I said “yes” automatically…But come to think of it, I’m actually feeling a bit under par. Last nite Adam and I were txting and he said he hadn’t sent an email “due to soft cockness on [his] part”
and that he wanted to see me on the 26th.
I replied that I was tired of softcockness, and that I was just getting hurt at the moment. That I wanted a guy who wanted to hang out with me than spend all his time at the pub getting smashed. I don’t think that text went down very well, because I haven’t heard from him since. I sent another tonite saying I’m sorry if I sounded like a bitch. The sentiment was honest but I hoped it hadn’t come out the wrong way.

I just wish he could decide what he wanted. Why can’t I ever pick guys who know what they want??

Ahh…I’m not going to let another guy get me down. I shed enough tears over DW to last me heartbreak from every guy I’ll ever date for the rest of my life.

So, if he doesn’t get back to me, then that’s his tough luck. He can stick with the mullet and continue pissing up. And I’ll get on with things and meet someone new who’ll treat me nicely and actually spend time with me….WITHOUT A GF!!! AND ISSUES!!!!

*sigh*

You know, right now, I’m pissed off.
I’ve had this great mate from the net, now, for maybe 6 months. We text and talk on msn regularly and have always got along really well. We’d never talked on the phone til tonite. He sent me a txt at 2am telling me how I was right about his relationship and how he should leave the girl he’s been seeing. I called, and he was an absolute mess. I was so worried about him. He said he was standing in the gutter in Fitzroy St and didn’t know what he was doing and where he was going. It scared me. After we talked, he said he was finding her to tell her it was over. From what he’s told me, she’s treats him like shit. I obviously can’t make any judgements, but from what he’s telling me, he deserves much better treatment. He said he’d call me after he was done. In the meantime I said I was coming to get him.
Anyway, Andrea and I drive past the pub he’s at and they’re out the front, and he’s got his arm around her. We drove away and went to the servo etc and did some things and when we drove back past they were gone. I tried calling him but he just hung up on me.
I sent him a message telling him I was going home. So we’re about to drive off and I see him and the girlfriend that he called me in tears about, only 30 mins earlier, in a taxi ahead of me. We’re both going in the same direction, and as the cab pulls up along side our car, he looks over, and there I am. And you know what…….he fucking ignored me. He looked straight at me, and then looked away. I’m so pissed off. I go to St Kilda because I’m worried he’s going to throw himself in front of a freakin car and he fucking blows me off. I’ve txted him since and had no reply. I told him what he did was a shitty thing to do.
While I’m at it…The talk with Adam that was sposed to take place, didn’t. Nor have I got his email, that he said he’d write.
I think he blew me off completely tonite. I don’t know what the problem is, but you know what, I don’t care.
My feelings are obviously unreturned, as per usual, so it’s best I don’t even waste my time.
{edit} Just recieved reply from said net friend.
“prue. I’m a weak coward. A bastard. What you tried to do for me I’ll never forget, but I’m a lost cause. I started out so strong, but it always ends the same. Please forget about me. Ignore me & I’m sorry for wasting your time. You are wiser than me, and dont need to know a worthless git like me. I have let this happen so now I’ll have to deal with it. Thankyou for everything you did for me, more than my other friends, and you barely know me. You’re the best.”
Replied with msg to let him know it upset me a great deal and that I didn’t want him to knock himself off.
And just recieved from Adam:
“Am smashed at Crown” Yeah that’s great. Thanks for replying to my messages and picking up my phone call or even sending me that email that you said you’d send. Obviously a high priority on your list. Maybe he’ll bother to text me back when he sobers up enough to become randy and then he’ll call to come back here. *Bangs head on Keyboard uoqewjlafdjasfdljasfdiofwjioasfdn*
It’s a shame I’ve come away feeling so bad at the end of the night, considering I spoke to Teeda and Bronwyn this evening, which was great. And I also won 2 passes to Cabin Fever from Yahoo. But even the complimentary Yahoo pen can’t make me feel better tonight.
I just feel that people take advantage of the kind of person I am sometimes. I just feel a bit like a sponge at the moment. I’m just getting to the point where I need to be squeezed out and hung out to dry for a few days, so I’m ready to soak up all the mess again soon

Hot

Frantic and heated our passion ignites
Push me up hard against the wall
Legs that weaken beneath me
Teasing your lips against mine
Tongues now feverishly entwined
Hand searching desperately beneath my skirt
Stiffening hardness pressed against my stomach
Needing and wanting to be touched over and over
There need be no words now
Just thrown to the bed
Buttons torn open and zippers come undone
Exposing flesh so ready to be ravished
Breathing staggered and erratic
Not unlike the rhythm of squirming beneath you
Exploring every depth of feminity
Back arching as constant reasurrance of your talent
Licking crystal wetness from your lips
Back down you go
Fingers that delve deeply eager to satisfy
Your eyes intently focused on mine
Trailing your kisses up my stomach
Meeting my lips now bitten and red
Legs that fall astride to welcome you
Breath that stops as you enter me
Long deliberate strokes that tease
Quick thrusts force low moans beneath you
Engaging connection as you catch my eye
Hands that grip the sheet beneath us
Wetness combined of sweat and juices
Tangled hair that falls in my face
Pushed aside to see my closed eyes,
Rocking back and forth upon you
Relentless now, fever pitch
No holds barred, my nails against your back
Shuddering, quivering and now exhausted
Come, collapse and sleep in my arms

104

Thought I’d update some pics

(DELETED PICTURE ACCOUNT)
They were taken the night before Teeda went to Ireland. The ones you will see of Bill and I snorting what appears to be Coke can’t be explained. We were being ridiculous monkey whores. Don’t even ask!
The rest are all taken at the airport and later that night.
enjoy