pruesaysit.com

92

Man, i’m so freakin tired.
Saturday I spent down at Phillip Island. Had a wicked time. I’m not a surf beach fan, and plus Woolys was packed, so we went to San Remo and I just sat in the water all day with Teeda, while Andrea supervised from the sand. So we waded about in the water, looking like the biggest clowns. The sun was scorching, but it seemed cooler at San Remo than Woolys.
After hours and hours of lazing about in the sun, (without getting burnt mind you!!!) we headed to Kyra’s folks place for her 22nd. She was just having a casual bbq, which was why we went up there in the first place. We just decided to make a day of it. Ky’s was great. Her family are fantastic and so were her friends. Everyone was really lovely and laid back.
We got home late Saturday nite and I went to bed not long after. I slept most of Sunday. I missed out on a game of Soccer, but to be honest, even if I had been awake, I doubt I’ve have recieved an invitation.
I went to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre tonite with Teeds and Ange. Haha was fantastic. Advise horror movie fans to see it. Better than the original!!
After we came home, andrea and I watched Resivour Dogs. It was less than I had anticipated. But eh, it’s Tarantino, and I’m not his biggest fan.
Anyways so it’s like 6.30 now and I”m fucking hungry as a bastard. I’m also tired. I also need to take a whizz. I think that should be my first priority, don’t you?

Take it easy

powerful piece of writing

I’m curious to know who left the “P.E Sallinger” comment in my Journal was.
But if I don’t find out I’ll live. It’s just nice to know that someone really enjoys my writing and that it’s not just clogging up cyber-space.
I have started to write something…I don’t know if it’s something Ill finish, but yes…I’ll post it anyways.
I’m feeling hollow at the moment. Maybe it’s lack of medication. Maybe I just need sleep. Maybe it’s because I’m struggling with the cruel realism of unrequited love, months after it ended.
I think the third option is the most likely. And unfortunately, medication nor sleep will fix it. If only it were that easy.

Anyways…Here’s what I wrote in the last 20 mins or so. I’ll try and finish it tomorrow.

Some would say her life was one to be envied. She could sleep til any hour she chose. She never had to be anywhere at any certain time, nor did she have to be in bed by
any given hour. She wasn’t selling her soul for $10 an hour, working for the Man. She could spend her days basking in the sun, reading novel after novel. Her life worked
without schedule yet was monotonolously routine. She found the characteristics of her lifestyle anything but enviable. In fact, as months wore on, she grew to hate this life
she had become accustomed to. She longed for ritual, for nine to five, for gossip at the water cooler. Anything that would take her from where she was and would place her
in the real world. The normal world. The world that those around her took for granted.
She was once just like those around her. A hard working employee, who lived by the sound of her alarm clock and put herself to bed every night by 11.30pm. Then slowly,
things began to change. Her life started to rapidly deteriorate. It were as though she could pin point the exact moment it all started to go haywire.
As her alarm went off, as it had every morning for years, she would wake with a sense of dread. She would turn to her waking partner, and complain of some imagined
ailment. Anything that would give her a reason not to leave the house that morning.
This soon became a regular practise. She was, soon, home more often than she worked. The days that she would go in, she would walk into the office with a sense of fear.
Her palms would be sweaty. Her stomach in knots. The end of the day could never come quick enough. Most people live for the weekend. She lived for the moment she could
step inside her safe, comfortable house and let out all the tears that she had wanted to cry during the day.
She didn’t know why this was happening to her. Only a few months ago, she had been as happy as she could ever remember. And now, it all seemed to be unravelling.
It became more apparant that there was a serious problem, when she couldn’t even pick up the phone to inform her work she couldn’t make it in for the day. The thought of
calling her employer, or calling anyone for that matter, had become almost too much to handle. She resorted to emailing them. And it was ironically by email that she
recieved notification of her termination of employment.
She knew there something wrong but admission, at that point in time, wasn’t an option. What would she be admitting to? She didn’t realise this was a legimate psychological
problem. She put it down to being fat, lazy, unmotivated. That’s what others had proposed. Why shouldn’t she believe them? She listened to everyone else except her
instincts.
She opted to study from home. It gave her a reason to stay at home, where she felt comfortable. It seemed that since she’d lost her job, every time she even stepped foot
outside her door, she became aggitated, struggled to breathe properly and felt almost as though, she weren’t in control of her own body.
She had no intention of finishing the course she’d started. It was a way of disguising the fact that she barely left the sanctity of her bedroom most days. Every day her
partner came home, and would ask how her study had gone that day. Fantastic she’d say…and she’d show him essays she’d written while lying in bed. They often didn’t
make sense. Most times, they were lines of poetry masked as Business Management Stratagies.

P.E.Salinger

Today the wierdest thing happened. I saw DW’s doppelganger!! If DW were to dye his hair black, then they would be absolutely identical. Teeda spotted this guy when we were in the bread aisle at Safeway in Camberwell. She turns and says to me
“Oh my god….That guy has [insert DW’s name here]’s eyes”
I turned around to see this bloke, with the most identical eyes. I can’t describe. Kinda like Patrick Swayze? Yes, that’s the celebrity I could compare his eyes with.
And then I noticed how similar he was in other ways. Same chiselled features. Same cheek bones and dimples. Dodgy tee shirt and shorts with socks and runners.
It was all very odd. I wonder if he knows he has an identical (sans hair colour) twin walking around his suburb??

I have to admit, I am getting the best feedback about my website lately. I’m getting like 42 unique hits a day. And I’ve had ppl email and tell me how moved they’ve been by my writing and my honesty. It makes it feel all worthwhile when you get that sort of feedback.

“Just had to make sure that 21 was not a typo? You sound way to connected, and in essence have your finger on the pulse; more so than most people twice your age.”
and this
“hey girl! i read a bit on your web site and i have to say i admire what your doing and who u are! cause i struggle with depression crap every day! go girl”
“Wow, what can I say…being the stickybeak that I am, I found myself compelled to study the effects of a broken heart on someone other than myself. You’re quite a talented writer, so much so that while reading your poetry, my mind was flooded by a deluge of memories that had been swept under my rug, in the vain belief that they would be forgotten”
It’s nice to know that what I’ve writen actually touches ppl. Perhaps my thoughts of becoming a writer aren’t as far off as I had dreamt?

PS- My ear is a whole lot better hahahahaha

Oyyyyy

Feeling much better than yesterday admittedly.
My ear isn’t as sore after starting to use the ear drops the doc gave me this arvo. I’ve got an ear infection and she told me off for poking cotton buds in my ear. Hahaha, but it’s so theraputic!
Then Ange, Kyra, Teeda and I all went for dinner in Springy at Khe Sanh (before you ask ma!) lol
I shouldn’t have got the honey chicken. it was too sweet. But it was nice regardless, and hey, you should splash out and try new things every once in a while.
We came home and watched a dvd. Well we were sposed to watch American History X but the three of us, ended up watching some R rated porno instead. Classic stuff. But the guy in the film kept shagging the ugly bird instead of the attractive wife? what’s the deal there? The other bird looked like Ruby Wax as teeda noted.
I then hung out with FB and he’s just left. I defintely had a good time with him. Reow. lol
Anyways, i gotta go and be a geek and put some ear drops in.

Love prue

88

Happy Anniversary Mum & Dad

Yesterday Teeda and I went fishing at Mordi Pier. The wind was freezing, and we had our hats, hoods and sunglasses on. We looked like a pair of Unibombers. (yes I the irony in that sentence).
We caught nothing but seaweed, but a good time was had anyways. We never catch anything, but always manage to have a good time…It’s odd.
James was supposed to come along with us, but he ditched me for Cath. No suprises there. He could have let me know though, considering I was relying on him to bring a rug for us, and I had bought him lunch aswell.
I was upset but then he made me mad by making this fucked up sorta “What the fuck” face to Cath, about me. I caught him doing it and I was really pissed. Making me look like a complete bitch, for being upset that he ditched me. That shits me.

_I deleted a whole lotta shit here_

Eh, fuck. Maybe I’m just a bitch who’s jelous that he has found love again and the only guy that I’ve come close to loving since, fucked me over and made my heart shatter into a million pieces. Every time I really think about it, i get tears in my eyes and I just turn to shit. I really believed he loved me. The look he would get in his eyes, when we were together, and the way he touched me…He really did convince me that he was falling in love with me. I don’t know if that’s what he started off to do. Maybe he and Rob got a laugh out of watching me desperately trying to win him and convince him, that I truely loved him. Maybe I was wrong when I truely believed he was a good guy. Even to this day, I still defend his character. Why I do, I don’t know. People ask me how I can defend him when he treated me ‘like such a bastard’? Good question. I really don’t know. I guess I always believed deep down, that he was a good bloke, who had really just been hurt in the past and didn’t want to experience that devestating heart break again. it’s only now, that I start to think, that maybe he was just a player who used me for sex and didn’t care about the feelings I developed for him. And the thought of that, being the truth….Just fucking devestates me. I’ve wasted all this fucking time, thinking about him, hoping he’s okay, wondering what he’s doing, whether he’s okay….and i’m realising now, and only now *for some fucked up reason*, that if he really did give a fuck about me, or care about me in the most remote way, he would have let me know either way.
Why have I hung on all the time? I really was in love with him. I still am. I probably wont be over it completely for a long time. I really believed that he would realise what he was missing and come back to me.
I believed he was an amazing, funny, intellegent, quick-witted, sensative, blokey, loyal man.
I really can’t imagine what he thought of me to be honest. He must think I’m so stupid for ever believing his act.

Last nite, Andrea and I went to the following places-
Oakleigh, Clayton, Springvale, Crime Scene, Hawthorn, Hiedelburg, Eaglemont, Yarra Boulevard ,Coburg, Preston, Tullamarine, Sunbury,Doncaster, Ringwood, Box Hill, Bayswater, Boronia, The Basin, Olinda, Mt Dandenong, Ferntree Gully, Burwood, Mt Waverley.
There were more in between. There was about 6 hours worth of driving involved.

87

Heaven From Here
Know no fear I’ll still be here tomorrow
Bend my ear I’m not gonna go away
You are love so why do you shed a tear
Know no fear you will see heaven from here
I’ll shelter you make it alright to cry
And you’ll help too ‘cos the faith in myself
Has run dry
We are love and I just wanna hold you near
Know no fear we will see heaven from here
I see real love in your eyes
And it fills me up when you start to cry
I just wanna hold you near
We will see heaven from here
Well it all seems out of reach
I will take the blame if it keeps the peace
My shelf-life’s short
Wish they’d make it more easy to follow
And I’ve been caught with nothing but
Love on my mind
We are love don’t let it fall on deaf ears
Now it’s clear we have seen heaven from here

86

Everyone has gone to Elephant & Wheelbarrow for Andrea’s birthday. I have the house to myself all nite.
I’m thinking about lighting some candles, throwing on some tunes and having a long hot bath.
After which, I plan to prance about in some sexy underwear and my black satin robe and feel all womanly.
We’ll see what I can come up with after that.

[I’m horny as hell…I haven’t been inclined to have sex since DW…Oh, that’s way too long]

85

I’m all dressed up, but not actually going anywhere. I was sposed to go to the pub with Teeda and Andrea…But as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror, make up done, black skirt, cute black top, I just really didn’t feel inclined to go. I’m tired after not having any sleep last night when I stayed at mums. I’m also having one of those nights where I just don’t think I could handle the advances of drunken blokes, no matter how attractive they may be. I think I might actually just curl up in bed with Velvet Ear the stuffed dog and listen to this song over and over. It’s a good song for when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. I don’t know if I’m ‘feeling sorry’ for myself, per say, but I’m just in one of those beige kinda moods, where I’m thinking of all the things that have and haven’t happened this year.
Anyways, before I ramble on about you know who, I should go. I hope you all enjoy a good weekend.
Thanks to James for our chat the other night. *Hugs*

i guess this is where I say goodbye.