pruesaysit.com

44

I slept til the afternoon today! I’m not impressed! Damn Edward norton keepin me up all nite! I was on the phone to Ash til something like 5am! I didn’t even realise what time it was! I have to slap him hardcore for keeping me up that late!
I put an exclaimation mark at the end of every sentence just then…how very odd! ohhh crap, did it again.
Then again, I didn’t go to bed til after one, because earlier in the evening i went to James’ to have dinner and then watch the reply of the Indy grand prix. What a shomozzle! Eeek! Button, Coulthard, Alonso, Webber all didn’t finish! There was a big issue with who was using the bridgestones and who was using the michellins…
Anyways, when i got home i watched Survivor and Six Feet under that Teeda had been kind enough to tape for me! yay!
Anyways, so that’s why i was in bed so late…
And that’s why I got up so late today…
I’ve just had a shower and I’m sitting around in my towel, listening to chris isaak…he’s so very cool and easy to listen to. He’s also very very sexy, but ofcourse that’s not swaying my judgement at all *ahem*
I’m thinking about blow drying my hair, and changing my doona covers etc I feel like a bit of a change I’ve also got to stack all the shit back into my wardrobe after I had a fashion dillemna the other day and emptied all my clothes out on to the floor lol

EEEEEEK PINS AND NEEDLES IN MY FRIGGIN LEG!!!!!

43

Times Like These -Foo Fighters

I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
burning off alone

it’s times like these you learn to live again
it’s times like these you give and give again
it’s times like these you learn to love again
it’s times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?

it’s times like these you learn to live again
it’s times like these you give and give again
it’s times like these you learn to love again
it’s times like these time and time again

Just felt like putting those lyrics down.
Made me feel good.

Had Martys grand final BBQ yesterday. There was much merriment and chipolatas.
Collingwood had their arses firmly beaten. *applauds*
After the game, we fell about playing Balderdash. What a great game! I’m definetely up for it again sometime! I’m about certain we won, thanks to Lukes fantastic bluffing!
I was more like a silent partner…correction…the gaming partner you WANT to stay silent! hahaha I’m much better at Taboo. But I had a good time nonetheless.
We’d started the day at about 2pm, so by about 12, Teeda and I decided to make a break for it. We were both knackered. Ended up collapsing in front of the heater in the lounge room and talking about dreams we’d had, friendships and boys from the past.
Ofcourse when that subject comes up, it always turns to the obvious.
I was telling Teeda that I think letting go of DW has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Even if you combined all the break ups i’ve had in the past, the hurt prolly only amounts to 10% of what I felt after things ended with DW.
Then again, all the ‘love’ i’ve felt in the past for guys, is prolly only barely 10% of the kind of love I felt…feel…for DW. So I guess it works out when you look at it that way.
So yah, I’ve been thinking about him today. Thus the lyrics.

On the upside, i got a new phone thanks to cath! yay! 8250 baby oh yah
which is a vast improvement on my eeyore 3310. hahaha

The only question I’m faced with now is do i stay up and watch the indy grand prix or do i tape it? it starts at 3am….damn pricks putting on gp’s so late! bastards!

OMG

a random thought…….

Why does Ms Pacman need a bow when she has no hair??

*ponders*

Interesting thought prue, very interesting….

anyways, it’s nearly midnite! I must go before i turn into a pumpkin.

With a bow…. lol

41

My last cigerette. Til I buy a new pack later on, that is.
Actually, there’s a lone smoke floating about on the coffee table somewhere…But I’ll resort to it if I get desperate.
Just cleaned up around the house a bit. Smells Detol-y fresh! mmmmm Detol.
It’s nice to have the house smelling fresh and clean…especially after the weekend, but hahaha, we’ll leave that story for another time. Actually, we wont leave it for anytime. Better yet, Let us never speak of it again.
Collingwood will be playing Brisbane in the Grand Final. I was hoping that Collingwood would get in. Now, before you slap me with abombnibal trouts, I only wanted them to get into the Grand Final to have their arses absolutely kicked big time on the day!
Hahaha, such a bombers girl.
I went cruising with James on Saturday in the stang. Man it was such a beautiful day. We went up to brighton and came back down along the beach and then finally stopped at Mordialloc and got out and went for a walk along the beach. Well actually, we walked about 50 metres and then we sat on our butts for an hour or so, talking etc. It was really nice. It was such a beautiful day to just hang out and bask in the sun. And I didn’t even get burnt! But I did think ahead, and wore a polo top so i could put the collar up around my neck.
Now yes, I may have looked like a cock, but atleast I’m a sensible cock that isn’t burnt!

Oh, i forgot to tell you how the shrinks appointment went.
It was good. They were lovely. The doctor did a full physical. Talk about intense! lol
Then she put me on this mood stabiliser stuff called epilim. I’m meant to start today, buit I haven’t got the script yet, so I’ll start tomorrow.
They’re talking about bipolar etc. which is essentially what they diagnosed me with. They are just confirming with some other shrink I think. Ooooh that rhymed. How about that?
Atleast now, if they can get me on the right meds, life might actually be relatively normal

Oh you’ll be pleased to know that I have actually been in bed before 12 all week, apart from Saturday, but I didn’t sleep all day either, so it’s okay. yay me!!!!!

Okay, i’m running outta shit to talk about so I’m gonna head off.
My mate chris is down from the airforce and I think I’m going to go with Andrea to take him back to the Airport.

Take it easy

Heyhey

Am almost about to leave for the shrinks
wish me luck!!

:o)

Green Stars

I’m sitting in the spare bedroom of my parents house, tapping this out. It’s quite possibly, the coldest of all the rooms in the house. This would be explained by the fact that this room has no doors to speak of. Well, there’s 2 doors in truth, but neither actually function as a door per se. This room is more like a large walk way…a walk way with internet capabilities.
My fantastic mother volunteered, correction: was pressured into, coming to get me from Mt Waverley earlier this evening.
I couldn’t stand the thought of looking at those same four walls for another day in a row. I needed a change.
To be honest, I think it’s a bit of a metaphore for the need of a life change.
Starting today, I am no longer Prue Jackson Anxiety Sufferer. I am Prue Jackson Anxiety Conquerer.
I shall return to reading my Dr Phil book, and walking at night. And I suspect that limiting my usage of the net to before 11pm would be a wise move. Atleast until things have stabled about a bit.
Friday is my big appointment at the Waverley place. Am hoping they can make a proper assesment, refer me to the relevant treatment and I can get on with things. I realise, yes things have come a long way from 2002, but I require, crave, more progression.
At the moment, it’s not so much my anxiety that’s giving me the problem, but more my depression. I’m great for ages and then I’m absolutely euphoric for a few days and then I wake up, and it’s like the Berlin Wall has just crumbled, and I am left with a pile of rubble. Although, unlike the disasembely of the Berlin Wall, people aren’t as excited!! I mean there is yelling and screaming, but not in a positive manner haha.
Actually, ignore that Berlin Wall analogy. It made absolutely no sense.
How fantastic it would be, if when you decided to restart your life, there was like this huge opening ceremony and gala extravaganza? Media are there, hyping it up. Interviewing you as strut down the red carpet in your fabulous new frock…
“So, Prue, How do you think this is going to go?”
“Well…look Bob, I’m confidant…I’m feeling pretty good going into it…Hopefully the crowds will love it, and I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the critics have to say”
And then, as you reach the end of the red carpet, your new life is unveiled before your eyes…*think Price is Right prizes style*
You walk into it…feeling good, pumped, a lil cautious, but hey, that’s understandable. You turn around, wave to the fans, smile for the paparazzi, and blow a kiss to your old life…”Thanks for having me!” you say.

Wow. It’s sounding great.
Perhaps I’ll put out some calls to see if I know anyone who can get me a discount on spot lights and soiled carpet?

update

So I booked another driving lesson tonite for some time next week. Wo0t! Much excitement at prospect of getting licence.
Man I tells ya, if i drove, I’d so be out getting a chocolate thickshake right now. I dont know what’s wrong with me! It’s freezing but it’s all I can think about.
Speaking of cravings I had the wierdest dream last nite. It was really disturbing now that I think about it.
This is gross so if you’re squimish, don’t read.
I dreamt I was back in Year 12 and I was pregnant but I didnt know it at the time. It was during class that I started to feel quite strange and wierd like I was getting my period. So I take leave to go to the bathroom and I’m in there and blood starts pissing out of me. Like absolutely gushing. And then, this is gross sorry, I miscarry. I know this coz I look down on the blood stained floor and there’s a slightly developed fetus. I’m sitting there in this pool of blood on the floor, holding what was to be a baby, and bawling. I’m absolutely covered in blood. Then, this teacher of mine, comes looking for me and finds me there in that position. I can barely speak because I’m too distraught. He asks me to write it all down. I wrote that I must have been pregnant before having the Depo-Provera shot and that’s what must have caused the miscarriage.
I have no idea why i’d dream that, considering there’s no chance I’d be pregnant. God, I haven’t had sex for….like forever. Since DW.
I don’t quite remember what happened after that, but it was such an emotional dream. And really draining too. And it seemed to go on forever. I swear, I have the wierdest dreams ever.
It’s so freakin cold right now. I’m sitting here with the blanket over my head. I must look like the biggest ditz ever. Thankgod there’s no one around to see me.
Not much is going on right now. I’ve got to postpone the PADA appointment, because apparantly they have cheaper and just as specialised psychologists at this Waverley place. So I’ll do that later tonight. I’ll just leave a msg on the answering machine.
It’ll be nice to have a psychologist again. It’s great being able to see someone once a week and off load all ur problems on to them. Makes you feel much lighter and more at ease.
I hung out with James yesterday. We went for a drive and ended up at Southland. At first I was pretty panicy though because I hadn’t slept the nite before, hadn’t eaten and it all added to my feelings of anxiety. So we sat down for a while and got something from the food court. After something to eat and a bit of breathing, I started to feel much better. We just skulked around. Then after leaving, watched Mr Deeds at Jimbos place. Suprisingly I actually enjoyed the film. I anticipated it would be really bad. And considering my general contempt for Adam Sandler films, I was pleasantly suprised.
NB. Winona Ryder is waaaaay too thin!
Watched the end of the Bachelor with Teeda tonite. We both knew who he chose, because we couldn’t help but look online for his choice, but regardless it still made for good viewing.
I was almost in tears at the end of it. He proposed. She said yes. Awwww restored my hope of finding romance and true love.
Which was a good thing, considering I thought I’d found it, but then I realised that if it was true love, I wouldn’t have to convince him to be with me. Meh.
I think I’m going to put the heater on. It’s just toooooooo cold!!!!
Take it easy

36

The rain is belting down outside. I can see it pelting my bedroom window. It’s making this lovely pebbly sound as it hits my roof.
Rain always makes me rather contemplative. Then again, so do a lot of things. Haha.
These are the things I’m contemplating:
-Buying some slippers to keep my toes warm
-Buying a pinboard to put my photos on
-Cleaning my bedroom, as it looks as though it’s been hit by a bomb.
-The dream I had last nite…I can’t remember what happened…but there was this part in it where I saw DW from a distance…and we were at the pier. He was taking everything he owned home back to Tassie. I wanted to ask him whether he was leaving for good, but before I could someone walked in between us and when I could see again, he was gone. Just like that. He had even taken his bar…I dont know if it’s his or Robs but it was all like on a trailer on the boat.
I brought it up tonight with Teeda and Dave. Dave being a prick said, “you know that’s funny coz he’s had enough of Melbourne and is going back in October” I almost fell out of my chair.
My mouth just gawped open. I think I must have looked like one of those Game alley clowns waiting for a ping pong ball. All of a sudden, I felt this sudden icky feeling and my stomach literally dropped.
Dave cracked up and said he was joking. Funny man Dave, that’s it. But it got me thinking. What if he went back to Tassie and I never saw him again?
It’s funny. It was like I could predict everything that was going to happen between us, on the day I told DW he’d become my Joel, or another Neil. I’ll run into him in a few years and he’ll have kids and be married and shit.

Oh I had too much to eat. Damn Jaffles. I feel sick!