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Here Are Some Things That Give Me The Shits…an unsorted list.

October 7th, 2008 | 12 Comments | Posted in Cunt of the Week

Wankers who update their Facebook status 20 times a day to reflect their every emotion. If it’s awesome news, that’s great…but dude, I don’t need to hear about how miserable you are every time I log in. Seriously, if you want everyone to know your business, get a fucking blog. That’s what we did in the old days, and look how well that turned out!

Bad Television Ads- Has anyone else seen the new Workplace Safety Ads on TV. Dude, I thought the TAC clips were graphic but wow! I swear I can see that Asian guys skull as his skin melts onto the floor! Then there’s that Scooter ad and the chicks hands are all mangled…but perhaps the most distasteful ad I saw all night was the Pro-Life Keep Abortion Illegal minute long guilt trip filled with right wing religious overtones and some classy Photoshop work to make the uterus more glowy and light filled than I’d previously believed it to be. The last ad evoked the kind of frustration that the Vista Blinds “BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!” woman can normally only draw from me.

Bad Australian Clothing For Fatties-Seriously! It gives me the shits that because there are so few options for plus size womens fashion in Australia, that places like Big City Chic get away with charging an absolute fortune for shitfully made and poorly fashioned clothes. Kmart, Target and Big W all suck a giant dick too. They all only produce one decent item per season and then you be sure that everywhere you go, another fat chick will be wearing the same item. This is not the time to tell me losing weight would solve the problem, coz there’d just be another fat chick whinging about the same thing to take my place.

My Distinct Lack of Painting Ability- Joey, my housemate, has had some time off recently and the other day we thought we’d get out some canvas and paint a masterpiece to be enjoyed throughout the ages. Mine didn’t exactly turn out like that. I was trying to paint Our Lady of Guadalupe but she turned out looking like…like…if Grimace and Nana Maskoury had a baby and that baby grew up to have really small hands and slutty eye make up. I know I can tell you it’s not finished yet, but I really can’t undo the damage I’ve done. Damn my lack of talent.

People Who Don’t Enjoy Scrabble- What is it with you people? How can you not love it? Granted, I do get a little competitive but I’m like that with Monopoly, Poker, Bullshit, Taboo… actually… maybe people just don’t like to play Scrabble with me? I think that could be it.

Feeling ‘Grey’

September 26th, 2008 | 7 Comments | Posted in Annoyed, Depression and Anxiety, People I Love/Loved

Sorry my last post was a bit dramatic. I was in a really bad headspace and it scared the crap out of me. I really just felt like I’d reached the end of my tether and I couldn’t take it anymore. Normally the sadness is like waist deep water, harsh at first but then you get used to it…but the other night it was like an unexpected tidal wave. It just hit me and I found myself flailing and gasping for air and I was all out of floaties.
Anyway, I wanted to say thanks to those good eggs who made contact with me to see that I was okay. It’s really comforting to know that there are people that care about me. I owe you guys.

I didn’t end up going to Mildura to see Nate, mostly because I was broke but also because I’m a notorious piker because of my anxiety. I let people down all the time because even though things seem like a good idea at the time, I stew on it and eventually by the time comes to do it, I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and I pike. By my own admission, this is a cunty thing to do but I can confidantly say that at the end of the day, I’m the one who’s more upset than the person I’ve let down. I carry around a lot of guilt about stuff like that. Fuck, I still even feel guilty about not going to Cobram with Teeds 3 bloody years ago. One day it’ll be nice to be able to say yes to something without worrying I’m going to let someone down in the end.

Things with James are fucked. And I don’t just mean a soft dicking, I mean hardcore up against the wall panty ripping fucked. Tonight his friends told me how much hotter they were than me and had a good laugh at me on webcam while we were supposed to be talking. Don’t ask, it’s hard to explain the scenario, but essentially it made me feel like a right ugly cow and if they’re the kind of girls he goes for, then I have about the same chance with him as monkeys have of flying out of my anus.

I’m still seeing my Shrink. Obviously, from the post I made the other day and well, let’s be honest, the tone of this one too…it’s not working that fucking brilliantly. I’ve officially learned zero coping skills. It feels pretty fucking useless and all it’s doing is gulping down my parents money with fuck all results. God that sounds really negative. Don’t get me wrong, I really like my Shrink but we just chit chat, and at 200 bucks an hour, you’d wanna be seeing some results and I don’t see any. I’m nearly 12 sessions in and I don’t feel like I’m able to cope any better than I did before I started. I don’t know what I expected. I know I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s gonna take a lot of work to make things better, but shit… Meh, I’m just rambling.

It’s not all bad, fuck, I’ve made things sound like I’m gonna knock myself off. I’m just going through a bit of a rough patch.

If you want to know something most cute and excellent though, you should comment or email and I will share it with you. I can’t post it here because due to some 6 degrees of seperation kinda set up, I’m worried someone I don’t want to see this will, and it could cause some issues for me. It’s nothing huge so if you can’t be arsed, that’s fine too. I’m not knocked up/getting married/dying… it’s just something that’s brought some light into my life and I’d like to share it with you. Sorry to sound so fucking cryptic. I’ll explain if you ask.

Fuck Landlords In The Arse

May 6th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in Annoyed, Aspendale, Sick

I feel like shit at the moment. I have this cold/flu thing that has been circulating amongst my friends and it’s totally wiped me out. All I’ve wanted to do is sleep…yes, even more than usual. People always look at me strangely when I say this, but surely I’m not the only person who’s skin hurts when they are unwell? Like, my skin is so sensitive and it aches so badly when I’m crook, but every time I’ve told people that they look at me like I’m the Bearded Lady’s even beardier and more portly conjoined twin. I just get that “WTF?” look.

If I wasn’t feeling so average, I’d be excited to tell you that we finally got a heater today! Yeah, so it took 6 months to come but it’s here…I think they were hoping we’d have left before they had to actually replace it. But at the rate we’re going, we could be here right up until the last possible day. Rental inspections are at ridiculous times like 1.40pm-1.50pm on a Monday, so it’s hard for everyone to see the properties, and even if they have been suitable, landlords can be so fussy now that they don’t take the first eligible applicant…they can pick and chose exactly who they want coz demand outweighs supply. It’s insane. The prices we’re looking at paying are twice what it would have cost a year or 2 ago. Shithouse.

Anyway, that’s about all I can tell you at the moment. I’m too knackered to write about anything else tonight. Stay tuned.

Teething Problems

April 18th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in Aspendale, Home Life, Lack of, Sex, The LIST, Things that are awesome

So I went to the Dentist the other day to finally arrange having my top 2 Wisdom teeth out. I was really worried and anxious about what the Dentist would be like…Most I’ve seen have been terrible. But this guy was lovely! He reminded me of Hector Alezondo… you know the guy from Pretty Woman and Chicago Hope? The mere fact he looked like someone I like put me at ease instantly. He told me he’d be able to take them out in 30 mins! Could you believe it? I told him he’d want to do a good job of it, because the last Dentist I saw ended up on THE LIST. He laughed and told me he’d use plenty of Anesthetic to make sure he doesn’t end up on THE LIST. So now that that is sorted and I have an appointment to have my teeth out, I’m feeling much more relieved. 19th June…. c’mon June!

Speaking of the 19th of June, that’s the last day of my Lease here. I told you my Landlord gave me a notice to vacate yes? What a cunt. But then again, it’s totally for the best coz this house is falling apart and my Lanlord is an absolute arsehole. Although, looking for a house at the moment is a nightmare. Seriously, a total nightmare. We applied for a place last week in Parkdale… we were the first ones in with an application… we gave them a folder that had everyones payslips and references in it, and still we didn’t get the house. They gave it to the couple with the baby on the way. Fuck couples in the arse! They are the bane of my existence at the moment. They are thwarting every chance we have at finding a place to live.
The pressure to find somewhere to live is mounting. The fact that Nate isn’t paying the rent here certainly isn’t helping matters! I’m in constant fear of falling 14 days behind in the rent and having them evict us even earlier than June. So yes, as you can tell, the housing issue is definitely a big stress for me right now.

The other day a guy I know told me that I was a spectacular woman and that any man would be lucky to snag me. It totally made my day. It was really sweet to hear someone say that.

In other news, I am ridiculously horny and need to get back on the horse soon. 12 months is a long time my friends. I think I’ve missed kissing more than anything to be honest…oh and spooning. Can’t forget spooning.

Any and all donations of AA Batteries and/or housing gladly accepted.

F U Old Man

April 13th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in Amused, Cunt of the Week

A few weeks back, I yelled at an old man in public. Not just yelled, but swore at him too. And it felt gooooood.
I was in the car with mum, parking at the Shopping Centre and this old guy plowed into a parked van. He hit it so hard, he struggled to release his own car from the bingle. He stopped for a few seconds, looked around to see if anyone was watching and then proceeded to reverse out and go on his way. That shit is so not on, so I got out of the Vulva and approached his car. Apparently his driving had caused another girl to have to brake quite hard and so she’d wound down her window to give him a piece of her mind, so when I got to him he was mouthing off at this poor chick calling her a ‘fucking bitch’. I knocked on his passengers side window and asked him if he’d planned on leaving his name and number on the car he’d hit. He was already super agitated and aggressive so he started yelling at me that he ‘hadn’t hit it at all’ and then he was all ‘I barely touched it’ and I replied that it was common courtesy to leave your details if you hit someones car and if he didn’t, I’d gladly leave his rego number in a note on the other cars windscreen. Oh man, he cracked it big time… He got out of the car and started following me, screaming that it wasn’t his fault and that the ‘fuckin’ Chinese girl’ he’d cut off before had caused him to do it…’it was her fault’… I yelled back at him “Yup, and I’m sure she’s stealing our jobs too!” That’s when he told me I was ‘a fat cunt who should go on a diet.’…“Sorry??! Fuck YOU old man!” I shouted at him in the most condescending tone I could muster. Oh fuck, it was priceless. I could see he was starting to get all red and for a moment, I actually thought he might have a heart attack and drop dead! Mum and I laughed about it all afternoon. And just to prove a point, I left his details on the car he hit and later that afternoon, the lady owner called me up to tell me how sweet it was for me to do that and how she appreciated it.
She actually ended the phone call by saying “God Bless You…it gives me hope that there are still nice people left in the world…thankyou” Man, I almost teared up when she said that. For some reason, I really felt the emphasis in her voice when she said God Bless You… it was really striking and I felt like she genuinely meant it. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, and even though I don’t know if I believe in a God, it was sweet that she would share her God with me.
Anyway, point of the story is that it’s fun to give an old prick a piece of your mind. It’s without hesitation I award him Cunt O’ The Week.

2.50am… 28 degrees… Numbered List…Too Hot…

March 13th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in Rant, Things that are awesome

1) It’s far too fucking hot to do anything. Fat Pasty White Girls do not bode well in 40 degree heat.

2) I officially hate my Real Estate Agent, My Landlord and Sara “I’ve got a bitch of an attitude” Property Manager. You can all eat a turd sandwich, fuckers.

3) Only a week til my new Shrink appointment. I’m starting to get nervous.

4) Where the fuck has all the weed gone? I have a hankering for chillaxing but I don’t know any guys who know a guy. Do you know a guy?

5) A Johnny Holmes sized jeer to the pimple that has erupted on the side of my face. *thumbs down*

6) A small glimmer of joy was brought to me, this week, by way of 36 Faber Castel Textas. So pretty!

7) I’m super broke. C’mon with the money, Nate. I’m tired of waiting.
I have WHITE BITS on all my nails! I’ve been a chronic nail biter since I was a kid, but the past 2 weeks I’ve been growing them and now I have about 2mm of white on each nail. Even though I’m super excited coz they don’t look so hideous anymore, I’m still remarkably tempted to bite them off just to satiate my urge.

This is all the effort I can muster up at this point. My minds temperature gauge is starting to overheat.

Sweet Merciful Crap in a Bucket

March 4th, 2008 | 2 Comments | Posted in Annoyed, Aspendale, Cunt of the Week, Home Life, Online Friends

I know that most of the following rambling is completely incoherant, but I was so mad when I wrote it that my fingers momentarily disconnected from my brain! It was an email to Nate to update him about the absolute stupidity of the Real Estate agent we rent through. We put in an application for a new housemate nearly 2 weeks ago and we’ve still not heard back, even after I’ve called repeatedly. Although a guy has moved in upstairs (think John Jarret in Wolf Creek! ARGH!) and he put in his application days after ours and had his approved. And then I start going on about repairs to the heater, which hasn’t worked for months.

I”M SO FURIOUS at the real estate. I’m about to lodge a complaint with them with the residential tenancies i think.

I just got off the phone at 3.56pm (this is for you and my own records!) where Sara said I was being “ridiculous” then she went back on it after I said “EXCUSE ME?”
She was incredibly rude, raised her voice to me, told me “She can’t just say to the owner, are you approving their application and get an answer in Ten minutes” and I said “well it’s hardly been ten minutes has it? Am I supposed to wait indefinetely?” ANd she told me i was being ridiculous!!!!

She said that the landlord doesn’t have to approve anyone they don’t want. They don’t know if they want another person living here.
I said that’s not what the tenants union of Victoria say. I said the Tenancy act says

Tenants cannot assign or sub-let without
the landlord’s agreement. However, the
landlord cannot unreasonably withhold their
consent. If the landlord withholds their
consent, the tenant can apply to the Tribunal
for an order that the consent of the landlord
is not required.

She said that’s not true and they don’t have to approve anyone they don’t want to and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Then she said she could print it out for me if i like?

And I said well while you’re at it, you can print out the part on urgent repairs…..which include but are not limited to having a working heater!

And she said that it would cost over 1000 dollars and I questioned how she knew that, given that the heater is less than 12 months old, should be under warranty and they don’t even know what’s wrong with it, so I don’t see how they could “assume” it will cost over 1000. She said given how expensive it is, she can’t approve it. The landlords don’t want her to approve any maintenance unless they know about it.

I said well it should have been fixed within 3 days of us first mentioning it. it qualifies as an urgent repair. She said no it doesn’t and that it costs too much. I said “No one has even come out here to look at it, so HOW COULD THEY KNOW HOW MUCH IT IS?” And she said “well, i’ve seen plenty of heater repairs and that’s how much it costs”!!!

And then I said, “Is there a supervisor of yours I could speak to please?”
And she said “Why do you want to speak to my supervisor!?”
And I replied that she’d been nothing but rude and completely unhelpful with our situation. She’s given us absolutely no feedback. If she had called JUST ONCE or replied to ONE EMAIL, it would have smoothed a lot of tensions but she hasn’t even been bothered to do that. I’ve called about 20 times in the last 3 weeks, left copious amounts of voice mail messages, emailed and the 2 times I got onto her, she said she didn’t know what was going on and she’d call the landlord to find out. No further response. No indiciation of what was going on! No “look, the landlords aren’t sure about the application, so they’re just going over it, it shouldn’t be long til you have a decision” NOTHING. She’s been so rude to me every time I call.

I”M FURIOUS.

So yes, that’s the email that I managed to purge most of my rage into while I cried with frustration. Then, I had a falling out with James, just for good measure. So really, today has been fucking swell.

“I know I appear calm, but let the record show that I am expressing my outrage at this situation”

Chicken Goo and Clearing the Air

February 26th, 2008 | 5 Comments | Posted in Annoyed, Aspendale, Depression and Anxiety, Friends, Home Life, Treatment

Why hello Internet! I’ve missed you so much these past 2 weeks without you!

Times they are a changing, again. Nate has officially moved out so Karishma and I have been trying to find a housemate to fill the gap. We’ve found this awesome guy who’s super keen, but the Real Estate/Landlord are fucking us around and taking forever to let us know whether they have approved him or not. I call every day and the Property Manager never bothers to return my calls. I imagine they’ll call pretty quickly when they figure out that without a 3rd housemate, the rent won’t get paid. Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous.

I’ve had a cold for the past 2 weeks and it has sucked the big one. I’m full of goo that has an aftertaste not dissimilar to chicken soup. It’s revolting. I’m meant to eat chicken soup, not being coughing it up and snotting it out!

I’m struggling a bit at the moment with how to tell a friend something that is bugging me, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I keep thinking that the problem will go away, but it doesn’t and I don’t know how to bring it up because I know what their actions aren’t intentional. Am I best to just suck it up and get over it? Or should I say something to clear the air but risk hurting their feelings for the sake of my own? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Speaking of hurt feelings, Nate said something the other day that really pissed me off and I just need to vent. So his girlfriend has just had a baby. No, not his. Anyway, the 3 of them came down to finalize his move and take everything back to wherever it is they live. The bubba is brand new and I was super clucky with her. When I wasn’t holding her, I would gaze at her little facial expressions as she surveyed the room. Anyway, Nate saw me watching her and I must have had that maternal look on my face and he says in a smartarse tone “Why don’t you just have your own? This ones mine”. Oh man, that got me mad. Okay, for starters, he knows damn well that there’s a good chance I can’t have my own kids. It’s not like he isn’t aware of this fact and how sensitive I am about it. But to then rub it in my face that he got to walk into a relationship where his new GF was 8 months pregnant and now he’s calling himself this kids dad, just gave me the absolute shits. I think I shot back something back at him that was nasty, but I can’t remember what it was. I was just so fucking mad and upset that he would say something so ridiculously insensitive. It might sound like I’m blowing it out of proportion, but it really did feel like an super low blow coming from Nate. Meh, just another thing to suck up and get over.

I’m thinking about adding a page to my blog to chronicle the whole Crazy Med change. I think it would be cathartic to have an outlet in which to write freely about the experience without hogging up space here where people might not necessarily want to read it. I’ll set it up in the next few days.

Anyways, send me good vibes for the new housemates application approval. I think I’m gonna need it.

Here Are Some Things That Give Me The Shits…an unsorted list.

Feeling ‘Grey’

Fuck Landlords In The Arse

Teething Problems

F U Old Man

2.50am… 28 degrees… Numbered List…Too Hot…

Sweet Merciful Crap in a Bucket

Chicken Goo and Clearing the Air

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