pruesaysit.com

You can pinpoint the very moment his heart breaks! -Bart Simpson

It’s been a cunt of a 24 hours. The night before last, I upped my medication for the first time and yesterday I spent feeling anxious and all kinds of gross. Perhaps I don’t need more, maybe I just need a different medication. Anyway, I spent the night tossing and turning feeling like I was gonna hurl. I ended up sleeping til 3pm.

There was email from James when I woke up. Normally this is a good thing, today…not so much. He took exception to me sleeping with someone and it turned into all kinds of horrendeous back and forth email blows. I’m pretty confidant he thinks I’m a slut. He says that wasn’t his intention but I’m pretty confidant he knew exactly the reaction it would get from me. For years his excuse has been his girlfriend. Now he’s single, he doesn’t really have any more excuses and yet still, nothing. I told him I was tired of pretending to be delighted with the scraps he would throw me so as not to rock the boat. To be honest, I don’t even know what to think. He started going on about how he was happy for me to have found someone etc etc…all the bullshit crap you tell someone you don’t like to absolve yourself of guilit for leading them on.
I’m so mad about what he said in his email. When I read it, my jaw just fell open and I felt gutted. And his emails sounded so happy, so fucking relieved he was finally rid of me. That’s the bit that hurt the most. He just sounded so happy to have me out of his life. It’s done and over and my instincts were once again so far off the mark that I should really just consider investing in Duracell and buying a crate of cats.

I really can’t adequately describe how sad I feel right now.