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Backdating

September 7th, 2008 Posted in Depression and Anxiety, Treatment
Blogged Aug 1, 2008
I haven’t blogged in ages coz I’ve got some fucking malicious fucking thing going on in mysql database. I don’t really have the motivation to bother fixing it at the moment. But I have missed having somewhere to vent, and fuck knows I need to vent at the moment.

I’m coming off my Aropax. I went from 40mg to 20mg and then weaned off them. This is my 2nd day completely unmedicated. In 2 days time, I start taking my new meds, Luvox. Coming off Aropax has been super crap. I’ve felt sick for the last 8 days. I can’t stop vomiting and I feel fuzzy and gross and hungover. I know it’s only temporary, but man, it’s a shit way to spend  2 weeks.

Add to that the fact that I just feel so ridiculously beige and I’m obviously about as much fun as wallpaper glue.

I just want my blog back up and for my medication to work and for everything to be okay between me and James and to not feel like I want to curl up in the dark and cry for hours.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this low. And I know that it’s mostly related to the medication thing, but the emotions are still real and it’s hard to ignore them.

Blogged Aug 13, 2008
I’m feeling pretty average tonight. I mean, I felt okay during the day and the last few days even…but I’ve had these moments where I just feel inexplicably average. If I’m honest, the feeling I’m trying to avoid describing is loneliness, but who wants to whinge about being lonely. I don’t normally feel lonely but with Loz, Jo and Squish all having found a boyfriend in the last two months, it’s increasingly harder not to recognise that it’s been a long time since I had a relationship of my own. I’m sure if there was no one I wanted to be with, then being alone would be easy easier, perhaps? But when that’s not the case, it really does suck the big one.

As for the medication, I’m feeling a lot better physically. This is my 3rd hurl free day in as many weeks and god, it’s such a relief. I really was feeling so horrible physically…restless, tired, nauseated, spacey, all day every day for 3 weeks. Mum and Lauren were really good to me throughout the whole ordeal, I’m really lucky to have their support.

I’m too beige to write any more at the moment, and I have to be up early for the Plumber to come and fix the dishwasher so I’m heading to bed.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 7th, 2008 at 8:25 am and is filed under Depression and Anxiety, Treatment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

One Response to “Backdating”

  1. The Jester Says:

    September 7th, 2008 at 9:50 am

    Great to see the website up and running again.

    By the way, I saw this and I thought of you:

    http://community.livejournal.com/rockabilly/282413.html

    I thought you’d dig the picture…


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