Dear Prue,

I’m 31 single and can’t find a date. Whats wrong with me?

I doubt there’s anything wrong with you, let’s start off there., There’s plenty of nice, normal, attractive, appealing people out there who feel that because that they’re single, there’s something inherently wrong with them. It’s a shame that couple-dom is almost like a validation of being a worthwhile person, coz it’s no indication of whether you’re a good egg or not, regardless of how it can feel sometimes. I’m sure we can all think of a number of people, who by any other name would be known as a wanker, who manage to acquire and maintain relationships. So, lesson number one, single does not mean there’s anything wrong with you.

There could be a a bunch of reasons you struggle to find a date, and given I’m not that psychic electric head Zolton from Big, I’m just gonna cover a few could-be contributors. Sometimes it’s the vibe you’re putting out there, sometimes it’s not knowing where to find people and for others, it’s a confidence thing. I’ve always thought of relationships kinda like searching for a job. You don’t just expect the perfect job to land in your lap. You put yourself out there, hand out your resume and make your best impression. Dating’s kinda the same gig, only with a better chance of getting laid.

You gotta get out there. I know it can be difficult and overwhelming but meeting new people is the first step in the right direction. Start to smile at people. If you see someone attractive, don’t be afraid to smile at them. It disarms people, and makes you seem approachable. There’s the organic, put yourself into situations with people who enjoy the same stuff way to go about it, ie: common interest groups, friends of friends, checking out your fave band. But if you’re not one of those people who find it easy to just approach people and start up a chat, then there’s the ole Internet dating, which seems to work better for some people. Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming piece on how to go about creating a great online dating profile, but some pointers for now are; A) You’ve gotta have a photo; don’t use a shirtless pic if you’re a dude. If you’re a chick, try not to go to heavy on on the Myspace angles. B) Make your profile stand out by actually taking the time to fill it in properly. “Going out” and “staying in” are not interests, either is “having a laugh” coz fuck, who doesn’t like to have a laugh. Give people an indication of who you are as a personality, rather than just the generic ‘walks on the beach’ and ‘glasses of red’ response. Gimme a day or two and I’ll give you some examples

Quite possibly, the hardest part about finding a date is having the confidence to approach people, so looking good and feeling good in yourself are key. If you’ve been out of the scene for a while, try a new hair colour/cut, an outfit that makes you feel awesome and take a few mins at the end of the day to remind yourself that being open and confidant is the key to finding what you seek.

Try not to be discouraged by the word “no”. Everyone has different tastes, and there will be someone out there that thinks you’re the bees knees, so, as the ‘Cobra Marketing Group’ once advised me, every NO is one step closer to a YES statistically. Just try not to take the no’s to heart.

If I haven’t answered your question thoroughly enough, write back with a little more detail and I’ll see what I can come up with.

Lots of luck!

xox